20071018
until you're back here, baby.
only halfway through the week, but i already so drained. feeling thankful about slacker days in the later half of the week.
i'm glad that today's dinner turned out better than expected. the attendance was disappointing initially, but i guess there's beauty in small numbers too. cracked many jokes, and discussed few issues. didn't stuff myself silly with food, but i do love the durian puffs!
felt so sick during the day, and i think it can be largely attributed to my lack of sleep throughout the week. my sleeping hours (or the lack of?) are insane. Wednesdays are long 7-hour days, and we woke up specially early to meet up for our stats project. after english tutorial, i felt like dying. seriously dying. i was going blind in my left eye with that supposedly-better lenses. i felt cheated by the optician. and my stomach felt queasy. got back to hall and tried to catch a couple of winks, and i felt the palpitations again. it was slowing down so much that it was so scary. managed to sleep it away a little, and dragged myself to stats tutorial back again.
sometimes i just feel my body disintegrating by itself. and i don't know what to do.
my emotions have been on a roller-coaster ride. somehow i feel that i am just way too sensitive about things, and that's probably my Achilles' heel. i really should stop thinking so much about how things are, and stop putting so much emotional baggage on myself. i've told myself time and again that i should do so, but somehow it's really hard.
thinking about all these brings me so down. like how it has to come back again and again, to haunt me. i finally asked the question today. about how i was never given a choice. and once again, i was not given an answer. perhaps there's just no answer to it. that it was just meant to be, and the pages of my life are written as such.
i choose to think that there was a reason for this all. a few things i've discovered along the way, but i'm not entirely sure if this is it.
and no matter how i look at things, it seems just so unfair to me. to have so many passers-by in my life, but hardly anyone to stay. why is it that everytime my hopes get raised up high, only to find myself falling down again, and further than before?
nevertheless, i am thankful for the few happy moments, of rare time when i actually smiled from my heart. fleeting moments, too short to stay. but still, thanks.
can't help thinking about how life has been so unfair to me. but if i continue to dwell on it, i probably can't embrace these moments. so let go, girl.
sometimes all i really want is to be able to sit back and watch the world go by, while i relax and have some quality time of my own, in my own world. times like this have seen so rare, since forever.
you've been hiding in the shadows
have you forgotten how we used to dream
let me remind you
the light doesn't blind you at all
it helps you see
can you see
i can't.
a random and emo post. that's just how i've been for these days.Labels: kaleidoscope, ofthyheart
group1 soared @ 01:14
xoxo