swaying, by myself.
just feel like laughing out loud at myself. at what a fool i've become over the years. at how i've learnt so much, and can yet be so stupid at the same time.
part of me wants to apologise, for all the stupid things i've done. for all the hurt i've given back, and for all the moments of silence i've initiated.
but part of me wants to continue walking on. to continue to pretend that everything's okay, to continue to keep myself in denial of more hurt. to say it's okay, life's great this way.
i've always been a living contradiction. wanting this, and doing the other. perhaps this is just one of the things i can never change about myself.
and the past lesson i've learnt, painfully. the lessons that built a complex wall of thorns around myself, one that even i cannot get past. it doesn't help, not at all.
i think that i can never be a great friend. not the type of friend you can keep for life. simply because i cannot sustain friendships. i cannot give enough time for everyone. i cannot remember everything about my friends. and i cannot balance my personal and work life well enough.
and so i guess it just boils down to me, myself and i. the stupid me. the foolish myself. and the imbecilic i.
i feel so empty. so empty when i saw your words. i don't know what else to say, and i don't know what to do.
perhaps silence will be the best words for us.
or perhaps it's just that i've been silent for all these years, that i don't know how to speak anymore.
if you can understand, you will understand.
-
don't stray
don't ever go away
i should be much too smart for this
you know it gets the better of me
sometimes
when you and i collide
i fall into an ocean of you
pull me out in time
don't let me drown
let me down
i say it's all because of you
and here I go
losing my control
i'm practicing your name
so i can say it
to your face it doesn't
seem right
to look you in the eye
let all the things
you mean to me
come tumbling out my mouth
indeed it's time
tell you why i say it's
infinitely true
say you'll stay
don't come and go
like you do
sway my way
yeah i need to know
all about you
and there's no cure
and no way to be sure
why everythings turned inside out
instilling so much doubt
it makes me so tired
i feel so uninspired
my head is battling with my heart
my logic has been torn apart
and now
it all turns sour
come sweeten
every afternoon
Labels: kaleidoscope, ofthyheart
group1 soared @ 21:44
xoxo