20070323
breaking point.
and it boils down to the same old question again.
am i really happy?
i have never been. and today, i can confidently conclude that i am not.
no doubt, there are things for me to be happy about. there is you, you and you. i used to seek comfort in the knowing that i am staying for these. but there's a part of me that tells me otherwise. a part of me that tells me that i am simply finding excuses to make myself feel better. that i am simply putting myself in denial. in denial that perhaps this is not the place for me afterall.
today, that part of me took over.
i am exasperated. exasperated from doing things that are beyond my need. exasperated from the many problems that are beyond my control. exasperated from the same problems that unknowingly falls onto my shoulders.
i tried. i really did.
and i'm sorry for the tears that betrayed me.
i don't know how much longer i can stay on.
and since i can't, will leaving be a better option?
i'm sorry if i can't smile like i used to. and i'm sorry for the tears.
i'm sorry if i need to get away for a while. and i'm sorry for escaping.
i'm sorry if i let you down, for the trust in me that i lost. and i'm sorry for being weak.
having the weight of the world on your shoulders ain't easy.Labels: kaleidoscope
group1 soared @ 03:54
xoxo