20071023
rain, rain, go away.
it's been pouring non-stop since ten just now. the light trickle of the raindrops and the bursts of breezes, make it all so good for sleeping.
but unlucky me, i am up late studying for a test that i'm so gonna flunk tomorrow. AHHHHH.
so angry with myself. for not managing my time properly, as always. how many times have i told myself to start studying earlier, only to find myself with another panic attack on the eve of the paper. i never learn.
just like how i am told to improve on this and that for the game, but i am still so stagnant in my skills. i never learn.
and i'm feeling angry at so many times in my life right now.
at how i can't seem to get over it. at how i'm so weak at letting things haunt me again and again. at how we all belong to different parts of the world, and lead different lives, and our paths should have never crossed. i don't like your style, and i don't think you agree with mine. it was a mistake right from the start, perhaps on my part, or perhaps on your part.
at how your lack of consideration in your tone. i have my reasons for not obliging to your requests, and please respect my reasons, and not find something to put me down. i truly want to mind my own business, and i need to. whatever i do, i don't see how it affects you in any way; it's my business and it affects me. it's as if i'm lying that i need to do something just to get out of your way. and please, can you spare some thought for me with your requests? perhaps i'm being selfish, but sometimes i feel that i'm doing so much for you. i cannot even handle my own responsibilities, and i really don't want to start on yours. it's a fine line between helping friends and taking on certain responsibilities. i would love to help you, but sometimes i really can't. please respect me.
i think at some point in time, we all need to be alone. and i guess i've reached my point, for a long long time.
got chided by Mom for my lack in taking care of my health. for not managing my time well, and having to end up sleeping so little hours just to fulfil my commitments. i wonder how she knows how little i've been sleeping. hmmm.
one of the best things of being away from home is the realisation of how much your family truly matters to you. in the past year, i found love from my parents that i've always taken for granted when i was staying at home. and during the Rag period, the homesickness i felt for those six weeks was really hard to bear. and i still remember that Sunday after Rag that i finally headed home, after so long. Singapore is small, but not really, in my life.
and the sumptous meals waiting for me during the weekends. the prawns every week after i commented that i have never seen prawns in my entire year in hall last year. (:
it's only Monday, and i think i'm missing home again.
to think that i just frowned upon my friend's want to shift back home, i am actually thinking of it right now. i'm not very unhappy. it's just that sometimes some things are too hard to bear.
i kinda miss running into Diana's room in the middle of the night to rant. 'cause she'll always just listen to me, and attempt to crack some stupid joke to make me happier.
i miss the gossip sessions with my glue clan, 1/4 that is now in HK and the other 1/4 back home.
i miss the lunches with Marie and Weising; times when, in Sing's words, "make me feel that i have a life outside hall".
i need some time alone.
come again another day.
when i can enjoy you fully, in my dreams.Labels: kaleidoscope
group1 soared @ 03:30
xoxo