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another closed chapter.vaguely, i can still remember the first day i stumbled into Greendale. not as their Red Cross instructor on the usual Wednesdays, but as a relief teacher-to-be. i never really liked the way to Punggol for it was too far from home, and without the comfort of a cab or someone to lead me there, i was LATE. horrifying, but yes, LATE on my interview day. or rather, the day i thought i was to be interviewed by the HOD. so i stumbled in, found my way up to the HOD room in a most unglamorous way and sat opposite the HOD, Mr Yeo. well, it turned out that my attempts in digging out all my academic certificates, my report books and stuff the night before were futile! he simply sat me down and went through with my my teaching subjects, my classes, tips on managing a class and lastly, tossing all the different textbooks into my arms. towards the end of the meeting, i asked if he needed to look at my qualifications, which was indeed a risky thing to do because i was never fantastic in A Maths back in secondary school and i was required to teach two Express classes Maths! and his reply came, "you graduated from a JC so you must be of some standard!" so there i was, one week away from officially stepping into a class to teach, untrained and all.
the real thing started. it wasn't easy to step into my 4 classes for the first time. they already knew each other through some extensive orientation programme earlier in the year and they were not the least interested in introducing themselves to me again. so i did all the introduction i could while setting my ground rules for the class. the kids were chatty and excited, probably cause i'm only some six years older than them? and also, there was the speculation of whether the Wei Shan Mdm they had in Red Cross and this Ms Low is actually the same person.
the initial days were tough. picking up from where the previous teacher ended off at, brainstorming for ways to make my lessons interesting, preparing my materials and the list goes on. soon, i found my work piling up and up and i could hardly leave school early. the relief came when the fellow Maths teacher, an NIE trainee, offered to share his materials from his lessons back in the institute. and eventually, we started to pool our ideas and split the chapters into modules to share and our workload was lightened significantly. the addition of a new Maths teacher to share my two classes with me was an added relief too.
along the way, it really wasn't easy. an entire new generation of kids, some whom hated Maths as much as i did in the past, and others who found it hard to garple with the Science facts and Maths theories. on their good days, they would listen to you and ask the occasional questions. sadly, those days were far and few. on their usual days, they indulged in their own little chats, passed notes around in class, made loud and silly jokes that broke the trains of thought of everyone else and in all, simply misbehaved. this batch of '93 kids are really a handful. there were days when i simply couldn't go on with the lessons and stopped just to chide them. and there were the days when i felt like walking out on them when they tried to challenge my tolerance. and there were the days when i simply felt like giving up, for i felt too untrained and young to be handling them. and those were the days.
the best incident i remember would be that Friday in 1E4, where they were a little chattier than usual. notes were being passed around, small talks were being held and the attention was simply cut. in my fury, i slammed my laptop down, packed my books and instructed them to continue doing what they are doing. i sat down and looked at them. and the forty faces looked up, dumbfounded. nobody inched. again, i challenged them to continue chatting and for once, they did not. the usual chiding went on, with them agreeing to keep quiet for the rest of the lesson. and my poor laptop, injured from that slamming, went to work again while we went into fractions and decimals. the real comfort came while i walked out of the class at the end of the lesson. three boys, the most defiant ones of the lot, actually came up and apologised for their lousy behaviour. and amidst the anger that was still lingering around, my heart actually melted. and i smiled at them for the first time that day.
that was just one of many. of those days when i seriously asked myself what am i doing so much for? i'm just a relief teacher and the expectations of me are not as high. i could have jolly well just teach and not bother about the noisy ones. if they want to learn, they can just keep quiet. all these doubts and questions went away when at the end of the day, i found satisfaction in the hard work i've put in. i saw my kids growing up. growing to put in more effort for their studies. growing to become more well-behaved. and simply, growing up to become what they ought to be. their results also gave me acknowledgement. although it is still not fantastic, but the hardwork and effort they have put in silently comforts me.
from an ordinary day to February to today, i know my journey has been an extraordinary one. i've learnt alot more from this journey than i could ever have, and i know, just like the kids, i've grown up too.
the last few days were hard. i had no plans to inform the kids about my leaving. the only words i said was to 1A2 about them having a new Science teacher in term 3 and that they have to hand in their holiday homework to him/her. the only one came when Mr Teng announced my leaving to the form class, 1E2, on the end of the last official day of school and took a photo of me with them. that started it all. the girls from 1E2 follwed me to the staffroom, wanting to take photos with me. and they started weeping. school ends and the classes come out from their homerooms. crowds started to gather and my kids from the other classes started crying too. there was even blame put on me for not letting them know that i was leaving. it was a teary situation, with tears coming from even my naughtiest boys in 1E4. seeing the disappointment and sadness welling up in their eyes, a drop of tear streaked down my face too.
the last staff meeting was interrupted with a celebration for me and another teacher. the kids bought us a cake and pizza. and i do appreciate it. and the acknowledgement from the other teachers during the meeting was certainly heartwarming too.
today was Meet the Parents session. other than the worrying from meeting my form kids' parents and having to speak to them, my emotions went up as the kids presented me with many surprises. the presents they piled onto me, and the letters from them. the celebration by 1T1 during which even my most defiant kids from that class presented me with cards and gifts. lots of photos were taken, in attempts to capture the moment that we all want to stay still in time. and on my last official day, i walked out from the compound with two bags full of well-wishes, of valuable experience that i can gain in no other place, of satisfaction that is plenty and a heavy heart. a heart that is sad about walking out from this chapter, and a heart that is yet excited about starting a new chapter.
i'll definitely miss the kids. and i am grateful for all the well-wishes. i could have anticipated the tears from the kids who were more attached to me, like the ones who always talked to me in between lessons. but i must say that the most comforting ones came from the ones whom i have never really gotten a chance to get to know better. the quieter students in the class, the students whom never spent time with teachers outside the classroom. the well wishes from these pupils really came as an encouragement. and of course, from the kids whom i don't even teach but probably only know them from the smiles along the corridor and maybe the trip to Labrador Park. it was really nice to know that they cared despite the less than frequent interactions.
and i'll miss the teachers. the ones who gave me this wonderful opportunity. the ones who showed me guidance patiently along the way. the ones who helped to ease my workload. the ones who chatted to me frequently to help destress me. and the ones who were simply there, being part of the wonderful working environment i was placed in.
i used to dread waking up at 5 every morning, taking an hour long bus ride and starting a long day in school, only to take another hour long bus ride home to concuss on my bed. soon after, the dread turned to indifference, and the indifference turned to an attachment. attached as i am, i've grown to love what i am doing. and i must say, it is all worth it.
moments in time kept for all of us.
my pioneer cadets in their inauguration parade that did us proud.
Labrador Park with 1A3.
my 1E3 girls.
one half of my form class, 1E2.
the naughtier half of it.
the only photo managed on the last day of school before the flood of tears started.
my official last day.
wishes from the kids.
wishes from the colleagues.
all good things must come to an end. and i'm truly thankful for this wonderful full-stop to the tough but enriching journey of this chapter that is now closed.
and for now, all memories are to be locked up. this chapter has ended, and we all need to move on. as Andy said, the kids will forget us in two months. i hope they do, but i hope they won't forget what i've taught them. for myself, i'll never forget this wonderful chapter of my life.
goodbye. and thanks for everything.
group1 soared @ 23:55
xoxo