20050927
miracles don't exist in my world.
how is it that no matter how hard i try, i never seem to be able to make the mark?
how much longer can i hold on to that single strand of dangling hope, when all my hardwork just seems to have been reduced to zilch?
it's not as if i didn't work hard. i really tried. and look what happen. am i not trying hard enough? or am i simply not up to it?
like the teachers said, exams are rehearsals to the real thing. but if i'm still fumbling at the last full-dress rehearsal, how much confidence can i have for the real thing?
questions and more questions. and i guess i'll never get the answers.
i wanted very much to cry out with the scripts in my hands. the tears were just sitting on the edge of the lids, waiting to fall off. i wanted them to roll off, and carry the pain away with them. maybe then i'll wake up and this entire bad episode will be a dream. but they never did. perhaps beneath the agony and sorrow, i'm pretty much numb already. perhaps i didn't know who to turn to. perhaps i should not affect others.
it's not that i don't believe in miracles. i want to. but miracles just don't exist in my world.
group1 soared @ 19:56
xoxo