20050816
bits and pieces.
let go and let God.
that's exactly what i'm gonna do from now on. and what i've been wanting to do but i guess i never really had the courage and strength to.
i'm gonna let go of my worries for the major exams. i'm gonna stop fretting about my "incompetency" in like all the subjects. nobody is incompetent. sometimes we just lack the hard work and commitment. i'm gonna put whatever i can in my revision for now. i'm gonna do my best and let God do the rest.
and i guess that doesn't matter to me anymore. the time was up for us. a long time ago. no longer gonna plunge myself into self denial again and again. and i guess it's just the times. the awkwardness of having to adjust back to leading my own life myself. and yeaps, time to let go of that. now, if this is meant to be, i guess God will take care of it. and what's meant to be will eventually be. and well, even if nothing great comes out of it, i'm still glad to have someone to run the race with me. (:
yes, it is indeed a fine line separating self denial and faith.
i'm positively sure that i'm standing on the right periphery. with the right amount of faith. (:
today's a great day. well, at least for me. i'm a happy girl!
firstly, we need not clock hours in school anymore! Mr Tan was pretty satisfied with our attitude and performances for the past couple of weeks. and that is great news! at least we don't always have to be in the reading room. and the lift of the time frame definitely gives us more space and time to breathe! and i guess i'm still gonna stay in the school to study. it's not such a bad place after all.
and i can do integration! the very basic ones, at least. and i'm glad. i've finally overcome my mental fear of integration. this sounds silly, but i'm really quite scared of this particular math topic and other topics relating to it. i have no idea why, but all i remembered was i didn't touch it during my secondary school years. and thus a very bad grade for A Maths. had never been a great fan of maths. but after today's session, i've learnt to appreciate how it works. how all the formulae fits into place nicely and how everything is finely reasoned out. and it's not that difficult after all. hopefully i can successfully conquer my fear and finally do well for integration. (:
and we got our shortened timetable! and every day ends before 2! the number of breaks in between lessons is appalling, but they actually pushed our breaks together to form block breaks! which is more effective as the time in moving around and finally settling down before studying is much reduced. and we actually get to end earlier than the Biology students on Tuesdays! for once. haha. they are finally no longer biased against the miniority us.
the official investiture for CCA heads is tomorrow! and we spent hours rehearsing for it on Friday and Monday. all i can say is that it is disorganised. like, who spends half a hour taking attendance? and all the walking up and down the stage. just hope that tomorrow will go well! and i can't wait to go out with Suyee and Shimin tomorrow! (:
just something random. i remember how i used to say that everything happens for a reason and that there is something good out of everything that takes place. i'm further convinced! i used to hate the idea of APTS. well, perhaps i still do 'cause it's not exactly a very glam thing to be in there. i hated the idea of clocking hours from 2-7. i hated the idea of staying only in the reading room. i hated the scheme totally. but now, in retrospect, it actually benefitted me. the time frame turned my body clock back the right way. i used to have the very unhealthy night-owl lifestyle with the perception that i cannot focus if i were to study in the afternoons. now, i like the normal lifestyle i have! and i feel much more energetic. furthermore, the whole scheme actually gave me the momentum to starting my revision. which i'm sure i will take a long time to find should i be studying at home, while exposed to all forms of distractions. probably just another random thought, but i'm further convinced that there is definitely something good out of everything that happens. hindsight is definitely the best sight. (:
days, hours, minutes and seconds have been ticking by so fast. it's getting so hard to keep up.
group1 soared @ 23:52
xoxo