20050424
jumbled.
feeling drained.
it shouldn't be the case 'cause i've slept half my day away already. and i don't know what's happening.
the more i rest, the more tired i get. but if i don't rest, i'm still drained.
sometimes i can literally feel my heartbeat slowing down alot. like in the afternoon just now? it just slows down suddenly and the feeling is really really scary.
and sometimes there's like this huge weight on my heart. like a brick sitting on it. or anything along those lines. it just feels compressed.
i seriously wonder if it's the cause of caffeine. perhaps the overdoes from the past two nights? i hope not.
the appointment's on 17th June. quite a long time away. hmm.
i'm scared. so much that i'm freaking myself out.
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emotions.
they're all jumbled up.
and that dream certainly didn't help.
how is it that the harder i try to forget something, the more it comes back to me?
i really want to be left alone. to do my own thinking. to soak myself in silence.
but at the same time i'm quite afraid of loneliness. i don't dare to be alone.
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it'll be so much better if i know what you're thinking.
group1 soared @ 21:20
xoxo