20061021
lazy Saturday.
woke up to a nice and lazy Saturday. its been 10029 years since i last slept in on a Saturday morning! tuition's over = lack of income = being able to sleep in on Saturdays! talk about a blessing in disguise eh?
anyways, it was a nice sultry feeling all over again. waking up to a good old breakfast prepared by the Mom. the chance to laze around on the familiar couch while watching the shows on the television. and the knowing that you dont have to rush to a lecture/tutorial. this Saturday feels good. good enough to push all the lousy feelings of the past week away. (:
it's been about three months of school and of staying in the hall. three months that flashed by. and there's been talk about my friends wanting to move out the next semester. and sometimes you just wonder to yourself "how about me?" i look back and cannot remember anything much about these three months. to quote one of my hallmates, "our days are getting shorter". and i can't help but agree. everyday after the countless meetings/work sessions/sports trials/trainings and when we finally shower and get back to our rooms, it's like 1-2 in the morning? and you start studying at that time and sleep at say, around 4-5? is that ever enough? then you wake up the next day, rush for your lectures and tutorials and when you get back in the afternoon, you feel so shagged that you'll fall asleep in the afternoon heat. and when you wake up, it's time for the countless meetings/work sessions/sports trials/trainings and here we go all over again. our body clocks are so badly overturned! i'm worried for myself. can i ever manage all these with my studies? my results are so screwed and the bellcurve doesn't help much. argh. there's no free lunch in this world and we have to work for our stay. but do we really want to stay on next year?
and i wonder, why on earth did i take up that position for? to feed myself with more anger? it's frustrating when you try hard to improve the situation for the people and yet they dont appreciate it. what's more, they are the ones who have been through the not-so-good times and want an improvement! if deadlines are unreasonable, they can be changed. but it is unacceptable if you have been given a reasonable deadline and you still blow it. sighs. if you want a change and yet you're not working for it, perhaps it's time to understand where the problem lies in.
i cannot believe that i have thousand of deadlines to meet up with and yet i have to run around reminding people of theirs. girl, what are you doing?
Grams is in hospital. she went for an operation for her failing legs yesterday and i heard it was a long operation. i hope she's much better now. i don't like old age and time. i remember Grams as the active granny who was still running around trying to feed me with my dinner when i was much younger. and now, she has fallen prey to old age and even when i no longer need her to run after me to feed me, she also can no longer do so. is that how it is supposed to be? then i would rather not grow up and i would rather still be dependent on her. wish i was with her for her operation yesterday but i'm glad to hear that she's fine. (:
"The tears of the world are a constant quantity. For each one who begins to weep somewhere else another stops. The same is true of the laugh." - Samuel Beckett's "Waiting for Godot"
if it's true, then i would rather cry for someone to stop crying. and i would rather stop laughing for someone to start laughing.
off to the hospital.
group1 soared @ 15:36
xoxo